Of Hello and Good-bye

Nico, Cecille and Nicole left over the weekend back to California after a three-week vacation here in Manila. It was Nico’s first vacation after six long years in the U.S. It was also a first visit for Cecille after her marriage to Nico three years ago. It may not be the first visit for Nicole (she was here on her first birthday), but it may have been her first as far as she was concerned.

I am sharing with you my letter to Nico as I described what transpired during these last three weeks and my feelings as we said good bye to each other.

To access the photos please go to http://pizz.multiply.com/photos/album/45/Vacation_Summary

My dear son,

I wanted to write since yesterday after you left but I just could not seem to get going.

Today is different…My feelings have settled.… I have gone back to my regular routine of going to daily mass with your mother and doing my walking rounds of the block around our neighborhood for my daily exercise…

Things also seem to have settled here at home with almost all traces of your having been here for the last three weeks gone… with only the memories remaining like a song that still keeps playing in my head.

I am still wondering how managed to fit everything we had planned into these past three weeks! Remember how you hit the ground running? No sooner had you arrived when we celebrated your birthday the next day with a party here at home with the Alvarez and Mendiola families? It was a wonderful reunion we had as you met once again your uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, and nieces from both sides of your family after an absence of six long years.

Your other social appointments that had been laid out and forged previously – rounds of golf with your uncles and cousins, spa sessions, nights out with friends, a trip to Binan to visit with Cecille’s family and topped off by a trip to Tagaytay – were then all crammed into your schedule whenever possible as the days went by.

How can we forget the Boracay weekend getaway? Did I tell you It was only then that I realized that I had a complete family with me – wife, four children, three children in law, and a grandchild? It scared me no end thinking what could have happened while all of us were in that one plane on the way to Kalibo and back to Manila! In any case, I will just let you young guys talk through your social sites i.e., facebook, multiply, etc, through photos of what you all did in Boracay. For one thing, I was missing in all if not most of your Boracay escapades anyway! Ah, yes, of course, I must mention that that weekend was also your mother’s birthday and we celebrated it on our last day in Boracay and ended the long day by trooping over to the MOA (Mall of Asia) straight from the airport on our way home.

Of course, how fitting it was to end your vacation with Nicole’s birthday party. Although dampened somewhat by a sudden summer rain, the party was a huge success as shown by the number of people who came and the gifts that Nicole received. Not only were there relatives from the Alvarez and Mendiola families, but also friends of our family from all over. It was truly a children’s party with Dora and friends as motif. There were the usual balloons, playthings, ice cream and cotton candy carts, Nicole’s favorite French fries from NYFD, and cupcake giveaways. I noticed during the party that Nicole did not seem to be herself and apparently was not enjoying. But then I realized it must have been just the overwhelming effect of the number of people. She has never seen so many people in a party and all fuzzing over her! She was herself once again after the party when all the strangers were gone and she was alone with us as she opened her gifts.

Speaking of Nicole, it all dawned on me yesterday while we were making our good-byes that this vacation was really all about her after all. Especially when you came into my room and told me how difficult it was for you to go. And all because of Nicole who was vehemently refusing to accept that it was time to go back home to California.

Your mother and sisters described to me the airport scene – how nobody wanted to speak, how everyone was teary eyed, how Nicole kept crying and saying “I don’t wanna go home! I want to go back Lola’s house!” “Lola’s house” (our house) seem to have symbolized happiness and joy to her very young mind.

In any case, like I told you, let us not underestimate a child’s resiliency. And I know that my grandchild is smart. She will get it over with sooner than we expect.

She will learn that this whole experience is actually one big lesson in life for her. That life is a series of hellos and good-byes and not just one big hello. That there are joys in hellos and sadness in good-byes. That she is loved and loved much by many. That she too has a capacity to love and give happiness to others. That she cannot always get what she wants.

Finally, it may sound strange but I want to say I am missing you now more than Nicole! This was my feeling yesterday and it still lingers on as I write this. I think it is because I deliberately distanced myself from Nicole while she was around. Maybe I did not want to compete with your mother and sisters. But more so, I think, because I did not want to miss her so much when she is gone.

But you were different. I felt you made all the efforts to be near me whenever possible to engage me in small talk and just be there as I sat alone in my room. I assure you, son, I appreciate those special moments with you. And yes, thank you for fixing my computer and for taking the effort to get for me the “24” series!

Finally, I hope the vacation did you a lot of good, has recharged you and refreshed you to face the bigger challenges ahead. You know your mother and I are just here and that

We love you,

Papa

Journeying with Saint Joseph

My relationship with Saint Joseph, one might say, started at birth! You see, I was born in a town named San Jose in the province of Nueva Ecija.

San Jose was the Nazareth of my growing up years. It was in the parish church of St. Joseph in San Jose where I was baptized, learned my catechism, received my first communion, and served at masses as an altar boy. Saint Joseph has been a constant companion since then.

Saint Joseph accompanied me during the years of my formal education. I went to San Jose Elementary School and later to Saint Joseph School for high school. During these years, however, Saint Joseph stayed in the background and was not a strong influence in my life. But my own father was. He was my Saint Joseph at this stage of my life. He was a righteous, quiet, and unassuming man, almost always in the background and one who hardly spoke a word. But he was a powerful influence to us his children, nonetheless, as he went about doing his job as a father who worked hard to provide for his family and instilled values on us his children by his example. Just like Saint Joseph.

Saint Joseph loomed larger in my horizon when at age 16 I left home and went to the seminary after I graduated from high school. My education continued at a Jesuit-run seminary in Quezon City named, believe it or not, San Jose Seminary, although I was training to be a missionary of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate. At San Jose Seminary where I completed my Philosophy and Theology studies, my Jesuit teachers and mentors molded me with Saint Joseph, the ultimate formator of the young Jesus, as their inspiration.

It was not surprising then that later as husband and father, I would always go to Saint Joseph for guidance. Whatever success I have today as a husband and father I must say is due to my devotion to Saint Joseph. He has never failed me to this day.

It was truly a pleasant surprise for me, therefore, when a huge beautiful painting of Saint Joseph greeted me one morning when I went to our parish church for mass some weeks ago. The painting depicts him with an angel appearing in his dream and telling him not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife – a scene described by Matthew in his gospel (Mt. 1:18-25). The painting was done by the same artist who created the parish church’s official Our Lady of the Annunciation image that is now enshrined at the left side-altar of the church. Saint Joseph takes his place of honor at the right side-altar.

The similarity of rendition between the two images and the intention of placing them parallel to each other are easily noticeable. The two icons depict the two annunciations by God’s angels heralding the birth of Jesus the Redeemer.

This new icon of Saint Joseph will be solemnly blessed on Thursday, March 19, his feastday and interestingly just five days before the parish church’s big day of the Annunciation of Our Lady on March 25. This icon of Saint Joseph in the church of the Annunciation is being offered to the faithful as Saint Joseph, the husband of Mary and patron saint of husbands and, if I may add, the patron saint of fathers too.

Now that I have become a grandfather and Saint Joseph is near to me once again, I realize that my journey with him has come full circle. And when death comes knocking for me, I pray it will be a peaceful one like St. Joseph’s own death -- with Jesus his son and Mary his wife being around to accompany me to my final resting place at the end of my journeying with Saint Joseph.

A Tale of Two Family "Pabasas"

Old folks call it “Pabasa ng Pasyon” (a reading of the Passion). The book used for the pabasa is titled “Pasyong Mahal” with the Nazarene carrying his cross on its cover. A closer scrutiny, however, of its contents will reveal that it is not about the passion only. The real subject of the pabasa is actually the whole history of salvation from the creation of the world to Christ’s passion and death. And it is not read but traditionally chanted or sung in a melody that reminds one of the haunting lamentations of old.

A pabasa is done anytime between the onset of Lent on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. It is usually carried out in village chapels or houses in a decorated altar that is dominated by pictures and statues of saints and of the suffering Christ. The chanters or singers of the pabasa, usually professional pabasa singers, as a rule do it non-stop from early dawn to dusk until the whole book is finished.

Organizers/hosts of a pabasa are ordinarily families whose ancestors long ago made the panata (vow) to have a pabasa in thanksgiving for favors received from God. It can also be done for a personal reason unique to the family. That is how our family (the Gabriel-Mendiola clan) came up not only with one but two pabasas during Lent.

The Gabriel Pabasa

The first pabasa in the family was started by my grandparents on my mother’s side, Mariano Gabriel and Lucia Joson of Pulilan, Bulacan.

Family tradition has it that my grandfather Mariano who lives in “Tabing Ilog” (beside the river) found an unusual icon of the Blessed Mother floating in the river while fishing one day. The icon is sculpted in hard wood and depicts the Blessed Mother breastfeeding an infant while two toddlers cling to her dress as if waiting for their turn to be fed too. He took it home and placed it on a stand in their family altar. Soon the family started receiving favors and blessings from God. He then decided to hold a pabasa in its honor, and then also to thank God for favors received during the past year and request for blessings for the coming year.

I remember that for many years, Mariano Gabriel’s clan that included our family (the Mendiolas) from Nueva Ecija would troop to the old ancestral home in Pulilan every second Sunday of Lent for the pabasa where we met our uncles, aunts and cousins. Silence was observed throughout the entire pabasa while the pabasa singers who take turns singing the pasyon and other guests who came either to sing or pray are served the traditional fiesta fare that included my grandmother Lucia’s unforgettable “suman sa gata” (rice delicacy cooked in coconut milk) eaten with minatamis (sweets) and fresh sweet mangoes from their backyard.

When my grandparents died, the Gabriel siblings that included my mother took turns in hosting the pabasa in their own houses where the icon would be transferred every year.

Some years back with the passing away of the last of the Gabriel siblings, the Gabriel pabasa went back to the same place where it had began in my grandparents place in Pulilan. It is still held every second Sunday of Lent.

The Mendiola Pabasa

The second family pabasa was started by my brother Renato in 1983 after he was diagnosed with stage 3 nasopharyngeal cancer. He went into remission sometime after that, went back to his job and enjoyed relatively good health for some 20 years during which he and his family never failed each year to host a pabasa either in San Jose or in their house in Marikina every year whenever Palm Sunday comes around.

The cancer struck back with vengeance in early 2006. My brother passed away in late 2006.

Lent and the season of pabasas are now once again upon us. I would like to think that the pabasa has become a way of life for us Gabriels and Mendiolas during Lent. It has not only given us a lot of blessings and spiritual strength, but has also become a venue of reunion for the clan when we can gather and revive memories of the past, both sweet and painful.