Writing of pain

Yesterday was the fourth day of my 21-day journey in creative writing following the book of Shiela Viesca.  “Writing of pain” was her suggested title.  I like what I have written on pain and I want to share it with you.

“My daughter Dani Mae tells me that I am a “been there, done that” kind of person.  Maybe yes, in many ways.  And in writing of pain, I must say that I have known of pain in all its shapes and sizes during the past 67 years.

I know the physical pain that comes from cutting myself or falling into the ground and scraping my knees as a little boy even as I get rewarded later with a loving and tender caring for my wounds from my mother.  But I know too the unspeakable pain in my mother’s eyes when she learns of my wrongdoing and is forced to inflict the punishment I deserve for my misdeed.

Later as I grew older, I learned gradually that there was pain too that was inexplicable to my young mind in losing a loved one or a significant other, just as there was a strange pain in being ignored by someone I cared for.  I experienced the pain of growing up as I had to make choices along a crossroad and learned what pain was when I got torn between two loves. 

In my adult life, I got to know more about the agony of decision-making as I followed my heart’s desire and not the dictates of external factors.  And the “unkindest cut of all” was the pain of rejection inflicted  by those I thought were friends who would stand by me no matter what my choice was.

As if coming full circle much later, I experienced a parent’s pain to see his child hurt himself in the process of trying to be on his own – as he takes his first steps, ride a bicycle or even or even explore the wonders of falling in love.  I felt the pain of letting go as my children learned to spread the wings I gave them as they tried to be on their own to explore and find their place in life.

I live in physical pain every moment at present.  I have chronic back pains due to an impaired disk in my lumbar area.  I cannot stand for long or walk far without my back and right leg hurting.  I wake up in the morning feeling like my back has been hit by the proverbial ton of bricks.  Doctors have recommended surgery of my spine.  But I have refused.  Physical therapy, exercises, and pain-killers serve as my daily dosage of fuel to keep me going.  I still thank God for my pain, although sometimes I feel like giving up.  I remain hopeful.

Today, I have come to embrace pain albeit reluctantly at times during my low moments.  But I have learned too that pain is not an enemy that kills, but a friend that allows you to be.  I am what I am today because of all the pain in my life."