Discovering silence

I picked-up a most wonderful little book from Powerbooks recently.  It is entitled “Quintessence of Creative Writing, A 21-Day Journey”.  Shiela Viesca, the author, says in her Preface that she wrote this book “in the hope that my thoughts may guide your major decisions in life; that you may set free those cherished opinions that for a very long time, have remained locked up in your mind.”  …”I wrote this book so that you might evaluate for yourself the wonderful story of creation that you star in everyday.”  It is really what Viesca calls a “21-day creative writing journal”.  This slim book is all of 21 chapters with every chapter consisting of a suggested title for the day, a short inspirational introduction by Viesca to focus your thoughts, and then 3 blank lined pages for you to write your journal.

I am now in my second day today, and so far, I find it quite interesting, to say the least.  Let me share with you what I wrote in long hand very early this morning through one sitting for about 30 minutes on the title: “Learning  Silence”.

“I first experienced the practice of silence in the seminary.  How I hated it then at first!  We observed absolute silence from after night prayers in the evening up to after breakfast in the morning the following day.  We practiced silence not only in the chapel at prayer time but even in the corridors!  We were told then that silence is necessary so we can commune with God more… But as a young man then still steeped in the ways of the world, I could not see it that way.  How I loved it when we seminarians were allowed to talk during recreation time or after a day of silence in recollection or in retreat, for instance. 

Later I realized gradually that observing silence is actually natural for me.  Maybe because I tended to think of myself even then as someone who had nothing good to say.  I also felt that I did not want others to know what I was thinking of lest I be laughed at.

I do not know now when I discovered that silence is the time when I am at my most productive moments.  I also found out the truth of what I was taught earlier in the seminary that it is only in silence that I would discover my God and ponder my relationship with Him.

Just a while ago, I found myself in silence in the aloneness of my self, of my being...  You see, I woke up early and dressed myself for mass only to find out that there was no transportation available for me as Thelma my wife had already left ahead of me. 

As if by instinct, I went back to my chair and decided just to pray the rosary instead in the darkened silence of my room.  It was then did I realize that I was all alone at home… and my tears started to fall as I felt like a child abandoned...  Thelma is in church, Pizza is serving at the Discovery Weekend with Jay, Nico is in faraway California with Cecille and Nicole, Dana is in Pasig with Marco waiting for the birth of their first baby, and Dani Mae has just left much earlier for a DLSU tree-planting activity in Bulacan.  How long has it been when my wife and children were always all around me?  Is this a foretaste of the end?  I asked myself.

As I prayed the Joyful mysteries, the 3^rd mystery of the Nativity suddenly hit me.  I remembered and even smelled Christmasses past of my childhood when Christmas was Christmas.  But for some reason the 5^th Joyful mystery of the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple hit me harder as more tears began to flow.  A joyful mystery?  What is joyful about this mystery for me? 

Then I recalled all of a sudden the trip Thelma and I made to New York in 2003 (?) to visit our son Nico.  I realized then that that was my own finding of my son who had grown up in wisdom so quickly from boyhood to manhood after he decided to go on his own to pursue his American dream… The mystery of the Finding of the child Jesus was a painful experience for Joseph and Mary, but it turned into unspeakable joy in the end just as my own finding of my son did to me.”