On aging gracefully: "Ateng" turns 70

If there is anyone who is truly embracing her aging gracefully, I can think of my only sister Elena who is turning 70 today.

My younger brothers and I call her “Ateng” which is a term of endearment and respect for the oldest sister in the family. But all her nephews and nieces, her grandnephews and grandnieces also call her “Ateng”. Many others, relatives outside our immediate family and even non-relatives, also call her “Ateng” prompting others to call her “Ateng ng bayan” (everybody’s Ateng).

One thing that immediately stands out about Ateng is that she has remained single to this day. Far from being an ugly duckling, dull or uninteresting, Ateng is quite pretty and smart that she was never lacking in suitors in her younger days.

She says she never got married because of our dear Inang (my mother, bless her soul!). By this, she probably meant she foresaw her role of being Inang’s caretaker in her old age (which she did until Inang’s death at age 92). And taking care of Inang while having a family of her own would certainly have been a complete disaster!

But there is another reason for Ateng to say Inang was the reason for her staying single. For Inang, no man was apparently good enough for her daughter! You see, whenever any guy would come to the house to court Ateng, and as soon as the guy had left the house, Inang would readily start her litany of imaginable reasons why the guy is not good enough for Ateng! Inang never hid her dislike for any guy who comes to court Ateng so that soon any prospect of a future love life for her was abbreviated when boys stopped coming to the house even just to befriend her.

I can imagine how Ateng must have suffered in her heart through all these, since she did like in particular one or two of the guys. In any case, she would only say later that if those guys were not brave enough to face her mother, then they also were not worth her time!

The irony of it all is that shortly before Inang died and when Ateng was already well past her marrying age, she kept urging Ateng to get married so she would have somebody to take care of her in her (Ateng’s) old age!

For me, I think Ateng never got married because she never found anyone who could come up to the high standards set by our beloved Tatang, the ideal husband and father and the man who was Ateng’s first love of her life (I am implying here that there is a second!). Also, being the only girl in a family with six other boys, she was Tatang’s little girl from the start. It is an open secret that unlike us boys, she never got to experience Tatang’s famous temper. Ateng’s lips are sealed when it comes to the extras that she got from being an only daughter of Tatang. We just know that the two of them must have had a deeper and unique relationship that none of us six boys ever had with Tatang… and that is why Tatang’s early death must have been most painful for her especially since she was not around to be with him when Tatang breathed his last.

Some years back when she had saved enough money and an opportunity presented itself, Ateng fulfilled her life’s dream for her Tatang. She invested in a memorial park lot in San Jose and there built a beautiful family mausoleum where Tatang’s remains were transferred. She said the mausoleum was primarily for Tatang who never owned a lot much less a decent home when he was still alive. Ateng would always say how she wish Tatang were still with her today to enjoy the many things he used to love like Chinese food, good coffee, classical music, movies, and little children (so like many of us Mendiola men, come to think of it!).

If you ask her, however, Ateng says, in jest of course, that she never got married because her husband would not have survived having six brothers-in-law who are her most vocal critics next to Inang when it comes to her suitors.

Seriously though, having never gotten married must have been in God’s plan for Ateng considering how she has touched her brothers’ lives all these years. From Kuyang our oldest down to Jessie our youngest, Ateng has always been around to support us either individually or as family men whatever our needs are and whatsoever it takes for her to help us. Her whole life has been one long story of selfless dedication and loving concern for us her six brothers and our families.

All these years, Ateng has been aging gracefully and embracing her God-given vocation as single woman faithfully.

Today, the 3rd of May 2009, our dear Ateng turns 70. As a tribute to her and to thank her for everything that she has done for us and for everything that she means to us, we (the whole clan) are surprising her with a party she never would forget.

Today, we want to make her feel that all her sacrifices for us have not been in vain, that like Martha in the bible, she truly is one sister who has lived up to her vocation of dedicated service and unselfish love for family!

It is also Good Shepherd Sunday today on her birthday. Come to think of it, we all have felt God's love all these years because Ateng has done such a good job shepherding us all!