"Kick the Bucket"

“Kick the bucket”, of course, is the American idiom for the noun death or the verb to die. Whatever its origins are, I suppose Americans, like us Filipinos, would rather euphemize death in order to hide its morbid or forbidden nature.

But should that be the case? Is there really no joyful side to dying, no upside to being down due to impending death? For us Christians, has not death already lost its sting according to St. Paul? Has not Christ already conquered death?

All these questions come to mind when I watched a movie recently entitled (what else?) The Bucket List. The movie is about an African-American blue-collar mechanic Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman) and a Caucasian billionaire hospital magnate Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) who meet for the first time in Cole’s hospital after both have been diagnosed with cancer. They become friends as they undergo their respective treatments. Both are diagnosed with a year or less to live. Carter begins writing a "bucket list," or things to do before "he kicks the bucket." Cole discovers the list and pushes Carter for them to do the list and promises to pay for everything. Carter agrees after a brief argument between the two.

From then on the movie becomes an unusual story of two men “living their dying” with joy as they accomplish their “bucket list” one after the other. The two eventually forge a deep friendship and come to realizations on the true meaning of their lives and on what they mean to their loved ones. In the end, death becomes more of a friend than an enemy and the grave a true resting place symbolized by empty coffee cans of Chock Full O’nuts atop Mt. Everest.

And speaking of death, I have been extra-conscious of my own mortality for some time now. You see, my own father passed away at the early age of 61 and ever since I hit age 61 some years back, I have considered every year as a bonus year for me. This conscious awareness deepened when I had a close encounter with death from a heart attack and when I came face-to-face with terminal cancer and near-death patients at the hospital during my CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) training last year. My interest in caring for the dying and learning from them as well as from books and movies about dying has also intensified as a consequence.

Thus, I started my self-education on death and dying with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ On Death and Dying. This is the classic book by one of the most eminent writers on the subject of death and dying. It goes through what the dying have to say to doctors, nurses, clergy and their own families which makes it very interesting. Other than the introductory chapters on the stages of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance, the book is devoted to interviews given by severely ill and dying patients to a class of medical and pastoral care professionals and those studying to fill these roles.

The author’s main point is to enable us to accompany the dying in such a way that both dying and living are enriched by enhanced human intimacy. Kubler-Ross teaches us how to understand the death of a family member or loved one and how to cherish the final moments with them. She also inspires us to learn how to care for and understand the dying patients and their family members. She assists the reader how to render care and compassion by depicting true-to-life experiences of those who are dying. Overall, the book grabs at your heart and pulls you in!

While in Honolulu, I also got interested in the works of Professor Mitsuo Aoki, founder of University of Hawaii’s Department of Religion. For several decades he has shown others how to consider death not merely as an end but as a vital and inseparable part of living joyfully. He shows this graphically in a documentary video he entitled “Living your Dying” (a copy of which I am a proud owner now). He also brought spirituality and forgiveness into the caregiving for the dying. His approach takes one to a state of “conscious dying” that leads to fuller, and even joyful, living (www.livingyourdying.com).

Last year also, I bought and read a book (Chasing Daylight by Gene O’Kelly). Mr.O'Kelly's moving account of his own life and death will give everyone who reads it some profound issues to consider. Within a year, his life from being a powerful CEO of a huge American company turned 360 degrees to the life of a doomed but “blessed” (his own word) man. The book is a wonderful, lucid account of his last three month making plans on what to do with his life. He trained himself to live in the present, to find those perfect moments that crystallize the beauty of life, and to say his farewells to his friends, family and loved ones. In following his plan, and to his surprise, he attained what he has been after all along: peace. Like Mitsuo’s message, the lesson of the book is clearly that death is a part of, not the end of, life; and that we can live our dying with joy. This is a beautiful little book that can stand side by side with the other classics on death and dying such as Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays With Morrie.

Come to think of it, the verb to die, is an active verb and therefore it is not just a passive event for which we just have to wait to happen in our life. In the end, however, no matter what we call or how we euphemize it, death is a reality we must face now no matter our age or status in life.

By the way, today they are cremating the remains of our beloved Tito Nestor Urrutia, husband of Thelma’s most-loved Tita Nor (youngest and only sister of Thelma’s Dad). Thelma and I saw him in his last days truly “living his dying”… Farewell, Tito Nestor! Your living as well as your dying have been an inspiration to us!

Bohol Sojourn

“Bohol has it all.” This was my overall impression when my family and I came back from a trip to Bohol early this month.

Unlike its more famous neighboring island to its west that is Cebu, Bohol is a relatively new tourist destination. And I think there lies its virtue – unspoiled and clean beaches and pristine natural sceneries plus people at their best and hospitality at its finest. We also easily noticed government support for the tourism industry in new infrastructures like roads, bridges and the newly-built and modern pier at Loboc river.

The People of Bohol. Boholanos speak Bisayan of the Cebuano kind but with an accent peculiar to Bohol. They are mild-mannered and peace-loving people. They say Boholanos are to Datu Lakandula who forged a friendship treaty with Miguel Lopez de Legazpi in the famous Blood Compact, as Cebuanos are to Lapu-Lapu who waged a battle with Ferdinand Magellan. For us, Paul, our driver throughout our stay in Bohol personified the friendly, warm, and helpful Boholano from the time he met us at the airport upon our arrival until he brought us back to the airport again for our departure back to Manila.

The Food. Our flight from Manila left at an odd hour and arrived past lunchtime in Tagbilaran. Paul, our driver, brought us to the nearest restaurant where we were treated to the best chicken inasal we have yet tasted at Sinugba ni Abdul. Of course, we partook too of the famous kalamay of the Boholanos as well as their star products, Peanut Kisses and Peanut Biscuits during our stay in Bohol.

Nature Trips. Bohol, like Boracay, also has its powdery white sand beaches and even more! We did several nature trips outside our beach resort. From the airport upon our arrival, Paul brought us to Magaso Falls, a lovely, yet unspoiled water falls in Antiquerra town. The water was clear, cool and perfect for swimming… A day tour to Balicasag Island brought us to a marine sanctuary where we snorkeled and got close to rare species of fish that were a sight to behold under water. On the way we watched dolphins at play… Of course, what is a trip to Bohol without seeing the tarsiers and the famous chocolate hills! Except that this time the hills look more like green hills than chocolate!...Finally, we experienced the widely-featured Loboc River tour with lunch on board a floating restaurant. The food was not that spectacular but it was generous. It was also during this tour that the Boholanos’ love for music surfaced with a singer on board who serenaded us with Visayan and Pilipino love songs as well as old time favorites in English. We also stopped by and watched a group of young people who entertained us with songs and dances in a make-shift stage along the Loboc river bank. (Of course, we were hoping secretly for the world-famous Loboc Children’s Choir to appear and entertain us too!) Then we went to Bohol Bee Farm, recently listed as one of twelve most romantic places to go to this Valentines Day by a Philippine Daily Inquirer article. There we treated ourselves to organic pizza and refreshing herbal tea drinks and watched a demonstration of how bees produce wax and honey. Other nature sceneries along the way: an ancient underground cave, a man-made forest, the longest python in captivity, and a hanging bridge.

A Taste of History. It is not only in Europe where one can get a glimpse of history from its ancient structures and museums. We also had that opportunity in Bohol… As our second stop on the first day upon our arrival that afternoon, we visited the ancient Punta Cruz found in the town of Maribojoc overlooking Tagbilaran bay. Actually a watchtower, it was used to serve as a look-out for marauding pirates in the olden days. It now serves as a view deck for tourists that offers a breath-taking view of the sunset at dusk as well as a picturesque vista of the Mindanao Sea and the provinces of Cebu and Siquijor in the west. What is interesting, however, is that it shows the unity of Church and State at that time as the watchtower apparently also served as an oratory with the statue of St. Vincent Ferrer inside it and the Holy Cross outside… Paul also brought us to the Blood Compact site where a memorial now stands depicting the main personages of the event like Datu Sikatuna and Miguel Lopez de Legazpi….Three centuries of Spanish rule followed after the blood compact. To this day, there still stand in Bohol many structures like Churches that serve as mute testimonials to its rich historic past. Baclayon Church is the best preserved Jesuit-built church in the region, although its facade and most of the stone structures surrounding it were built by the Augustininan Recollects in the late 19th century. Other mission churches of architectural distinction include Dauis Church with its beautiful frescoes, Loboc Church with its three-story convent, Panglao Church with its ornate antiquities and ceiling murals, Loon Church, the most stunning church built by the Recollect Friars, and the 19th century Maribojoc Church.

So as you can see, like an SM mall, Bohol’s truly “got it all”!

February 11: Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes

I wanted to post this yesterday, the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes but I was indisposed the whole day and could not do it. Anyway, I would just like to share the experience Thelma and I had during our trip to Lourdes in the year 2000.

It was the 6^th day of our European tour by train that started in Portugal (Porto, Lisbon, and Fatima); Spain (Madrid and Barcelona); then France (Lourdes was our first stop). We arrived at Lourdes that noon, 13 September 2000.

Lourdes is a pretty little town with about 15,000 inhabitants in the southwest of France near the Spanish border. It was made famous by the appearance in 1858 by Our Lady to St. Bernadette. Today, some 5 million pilgrims and visitors come to Lourdes each year to “visit” a place described in tourist brochures, usually out of curiosity only. But strangely, they come away healed – if not physically, then spiritually.

And it happened to Thelma and me. We had routinely included Lourdes as part of our itinerary. (Doesn’t every Catholic who has the chance to travel to France do so?) We originally intended to stay only for a day and then go on to our next tourist destination. But somehow an article in a book (Needlepoint by Mrs. Lourdes Bautista given to us by another Lourdes Bautista, the author’s daughter and our friend) we were reading on the train inspired us to extend our stay for another day.

After lunch, we easily found our way through the main street going to the Grotto. The commercialism along the way (hotels, restaurants, religious stores, souvenirs, etc.) sort of turned us off at first, but the feeling soon vanished as we entered the shrine proper. The feeling became surreal as we walked through the grounds. We saw an Information Center and went there to ask questions and to plan our activities. We first visited the main shrine and prayed the rosary. We then went to the Chapel of Reconciliation, sought an English-speaking Oblate priest, and joined the long queue to make a general confession. We spent the rest of the afternoon just walking around and simply basking in the whole atmosphere of prayer around us as we watched people in long orderly queues pass through the Grotto, kiss the rock, drink the water from the Spring, or light a candle. We noticed that there was no queue in the fountains from where water from the Spring flows freely. We drank the cool water and washed our face remembering Our Lady’s instruction to Bernadette: “Go, drink at the spring and wash yourself there”. After another leisurely walk in the area, we went back to our hotel to rest, have dinner and prepare for that evening’s activity.

The torchlight Marian procession that evening fittingly capped our first day in this hallowed town. Imagine thousands of people of different races, from different countries, each holding a candle singing “Ave Maria” and praying the rosary in different languages while walking in procession. It was a spectacle we would always remember. Thelma and I prayed for peace in our country, for ourselves, for our children who were left at home, and for the intentions of all our relatives and friends.

We were at the Shrine by 9 AM the next day in time for the International Mass held at the cavernous underground Basilica of Pius X. There, nearly 30,000 pilgrims including hundreds of priests and bishops offered the Mass in several languages commemorating the Feast of Solemnity of the Holy Cross. It was another unforgettable spectacle of people, sick as well as healthy, white and colored, in prayer quietly affirming their unity in faith. We were simply astonished at this atmosphere of prayer and faith so different from our usual daily experience of the mass.

Our next stop after the mass was the Grotto of Massabielle where now stands a statue of Our Lady on the same spot where Bernadette saw her. We patiently stood and lined up in prayer just like the rest until we first reached the spring now covered with glass showing how clear the water is. We touched and kissed the rock where Our Lady stood and prayed to her to keep our faith as solid as the Rock. We then looked up at the statue of Our Lady with her eyes raised towards heaven as described by Bernadette and we felt peace we have never experienced before.

From the grotto we went to the nearby fountains to drink and wash ourselves once more. This time we also brought with us the bottles we had purchased earlier for this purpose and filled them with the Spring water to bring back to the Philippines. We remember St. Bernadette’s warning: “The water is taken as a medicine… You must have faith, you must pray; this water has no effect without faith.”

In the afternoon after lunch, we visited Bernadette’s well-preserved ancestral home in the old town. We then walked back to the Shrine, shopped for souvenirs along the way, and proceeded straight to the Baths where we lined up once more (the men were separated from the women at this point), and prepared for the experience of the baths.

We were told that this process of bathing is a response to the invitation of the Virgin to Bernadette on 25^th February 1858, ”Go drink of the spring and wash yourself there”…As I entered the Baths, I was invited to the dressing room by one of many volunteers. I undressed except for my underwear and I was then covered with a robe. At the bath cubicle, I was asked to remember my prayer intentions while I prayed the Salve Regina. The volunteers then gradually and gently immersed me in the water up to my neck. We ended with the invocations: “Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us. St. Bernadette, pray for us.” The washing was completed! I felt wholly cleansed as I left the Baths with teary eyes and waited for Thelma to finish hers.

Our last activity was something we did not plan at all. But we now believe it was the Lord who had done the planning, because, as we would realized later, our visit to Lourdes would not have been complete without going through His Way of the Cross…

Feeling light after the baths, we decided to walk up to the top of the Basilica where we had a good view of the whole Shrine area. We went down on the other side, decided we had enough for the day, then took what we thought at first was a road leading to town only to find out that it was actually the start of the ascent towards the 1,500 meters Hill of the Espeluges where the 15 Stations were laid out along the winding and uneven path! As if pulled by an unknown force, we continued the climb and followed each station as we prayed and meditated on the pains and sufferings of our Lord and of His absolute love for all of us that led Him to death on the Cross. What is unusual, however, is the addition of the Fifteenth Station (The Empty Tomb) which makes the Way of the Cross no longer a “Via Dolorosa”, no more one of despair, but of hope. Optimism and joy prevailed in our hearts as we reached the end of the stations and as we started to descend, aptly ending our short sojourn at Lourdes, the town of all hopes.