All about "other" fathers

Recently, as I was reading on the Fatherhood of God and the role of fathers
in people’s lives, it occurred to me that sometimes God sends into our lives,
for some reason or another, other men to make up for the inadequacy of our
own fathers.  God as a Father shows himself to us in the many "fathers" He
sends to us along the way.  Nice thought as we are about to celebrate Father’s
Day this month of June, isn’t it?

They actually come in all forms. I remember I had my own “spiritual” father during my growing up years in the seminary, some have foster fathers, others have step-fathers, and others too may have what they call surrogate fathers -- all father figures from God our Father. Come to think of it, even God sent a foster father for His own son in the person of St. Joseph!

Mr. Tiu

What comes to mind now is a chat I had recently with my son Nico on the internet. He goes, “Hey, Pop! You remember Mr. Tiu?” And I go, “Of course! Your principal at Holy Cross in Bronx?” Apparently bewildered, he goes again, “Huh, who is this? Don’t you remember Mr, Tiu? Welworth School?…Caloocan?…Sta. Maria?”, he continued.

Then it all came to me. Mr. Tiu is Ben Tiu, the former administrator of Southridge School who later established his own small school where he could easily interact one-on-one with his students and follow-up their progress individually; veering away from the more traditional school set-up. Nico admires him a lot even then and considers him a big influence in his intellectual as well as spiritual growth.

Our family discovered Ben and his school at a time when Nico could no longer fit into the traditional formal setting of education after he had developed a severe school phobia. (This is another long story). Also Ben came when I was not only emotionally but also physically absent in Nico’s life during my stint with the refugee program in Bataan.

Anyway, during our chat, I learned from Nico that Ben had passed away only last April or barely two months ago. How he learned about it is itself another story of serendipity.

While surfing the net recently, he decided to search friends from Welworth (Ben’s School) in his Friendster account. Sure enough he found Maan’s site, a former classmate who was also Ben’s niece. He messaged her and sent his “regards and say hello to Mr. Tiu”, only to find out later that Maan had a blog about Ben’s death, some sort of eulogy she delivered in his funeral!

It was then when Nico realized how much Mr. Tiu meant to him and how much he influenced his intellectual development. You see, Ben agreed to take in Nico for tutorial and home schooling purposes only as he did not yet have the school’s license to operate. The tutorial was basically in English, Reading, Math, and Science, but Ben injected a lot of religious values in the process. Sometime later, Nico decided to take the Philippine Educational Placement Test to determine his eligibility for college. He subsequently passed and was declared “Eligible for College” even as he technically completed only First Year high school. He then went on to college trouble-free. He now credits Ben for much of this accomplishment.

Mr. Zalamea

In an email letter to Nico I reminded him how good God is to him and how he was blessed with people along the way during his formative years. I reminded him about another father figure in his life, Mr. Ernie Zalamea, his former boss and principal at Holy Cross School, in Bronx, New York who became his mentor at a time when he was new and all alone starting a new life in America.

My wife and I met Ernie during our visit to Nico in 2003 in New York. True enough, he was the kind of person as Nico had described him – caring and supportive of Nico from the time he met him. Despite all odds against Nico (a new comer with no experience at all) Ernie supported Nico’s hiring as a Computer Teacher at Holy Cross. Nico responded to the trust given him and did much for the school in terms of its computer program for the students and staff. Later when Nico decided to move on to California for a higher-paying job, Mr. Zalamea continued to be Nico’s strongest supporter.

Readings

As a final note on all these my musings about fathers, I would like to share two books on fatherhood and fathering. The first is research-based and considered sort of a classic on Fatherhood. It tells “how a man’s life is shaped by his relationship with his father.” Titled “Finding our Fathers”, it is written by Samuel Osherson, Ph.D. The other is titled simply “Fathering” by Will Glennon. It is some kind of a practical book for fathers for “strengthening connection with your children no matter where you are”. Both I consider great readings!