What follows is my letter to Carlo Cruz whose wife, Leslie, perished at the Glorietta 2 mall bombing in Makati City in the afternoon of October 19, 2007. They have a four-year old daughter, Amber.
In the early morning of October 23, Carlo sent an e-mail to his e-group just wanting to ask for prayers for Leslie and to share his feelings at that moment.
Little did he know then that his e-mail would be widely-read and forwarded to a lot of Filipinos here and abroad, leaving many of us teary-eyed.
Those of you who want to read the e-mail in its entirety may go to Losing Leslie: Hubby grieves, gives advice.
29 October 2007
Dear Carlo:
I am one of many who received your e-mail about your wife Leslie and the details of your last moments together prior to and immediately after the blast at the Glorietta 2 that fateful afternoon of October 19 more than a week ago.
Actually, two people sent it to me: my eldest daughter Eliza Paz (Pizza) who had received it from her e-group -- the same e-group that you had sent it to – the Discovery Weekenders and also from my own CEFAM (Center for Family Ministries) e-group.
I am writing you now because I want to share with you and with the many Filipinos in the information highway who have read your e-mail my thoughts about it.
I am writing maybe because you could have been my son and Leslie my daughter-in-law. On a deeper level, I am writing because I feel a kinship with you as a Christian and human being. No, I am not writing out of sympathy; but out of what we call compassion. It is a reaching out that I hope approximates Christ's own compassion in reaching out to others in grief.
And so, I will not tell you to "be strong for Amber's sake, kaya mo yan!" because I do not know you and it may not be what you need to hear from me at this moment. More so, because Leslie's death is so unique you yourself don't even know now kung kaya mo nga ba talagang dalhin ito at kung hanggang saan. We can only pray you will.
I won't console you and say: "I know how you feel", because that is not compassion and I truly don't know how you feel now and I am certain I never will.
I won't tell you that "it's ok; anyway you still have Amber". Because Leslie is Leslie and Amber is Amber. I am sure they are both the loves of your life but each one is so much different from each other so that never can one be a substitute for the other.
I will not tell you that "it is ok and just accept it because anyway, it is God's will", because He may have allowed it, but I do not think that it is God's will for Leslie to die that way. He is not that kind of God I know.
Neither will I ask you to "stop grieving and move on".
I will instead ask you to go ahead and grieve because it is a way to healing; and grief is good because Christ also grieved for His loved ones. You can also move on, albeit slowly, while managing your grief. You see, grief is also deeply personal. It may take weeks, months, years or even a lifetime even as you are moving on. Only you can tell when you no longer have to grieve.
In the process of grieving, you may want sometimes to be simply alone or be with friends but continue and tell your story to anyone who would care to listen. You may remain to be in a denial mode, get angry, and even depressed. Just hold on. In the end, you will settle down and begin to accept that Leslie is indeed gone.
Let me tell you also that I wish to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your advice to all of us "to cherish each moment that we spend with our loved ones" because we do not know when the end will come. I agree wholeheartedly that this is "pretty simple to say, (but) very easy to take for granted".
And yes, Carlo, my family and I will continue to pray for Leslie, even beyond her 40th day, "so that her path to God's kingdom will be well-lit and she will no longer be in the dark".
God bless.
